I’ve been musing about death the last few years.

Well, not so much death but more so how I hope my life was lived when the end of this body comes.

In the last year and a half, I’ve had the opportunity to be in the room when matriarchs on both sides of my family gasped their last breath. I don’t use the term “gasped” poetically. That is what was happening. Humans have never looked more like shells than in those gasps.

My dad’s mom and my mom’s aunt lived quiet lives. Accomplishing nothing that will make the history books and leaving little behind but their families’s minds. When we’re gone, even those will fade.

None of these thoughts are new or original. Even darker versions are recorded in Ecclesiastes, you know that line - “it’s just a dust in the wind.” The writer of Ecclesiastes seemed to be a little depressed wondering what our time on this Earth really means.

I’m not as concerned about being remembered when my life is over, but more so I’m wondering what I’m doing with the time I’ve been given. What beauty am I leaving behind even if it’s not remembered. Who can I remind that they’re being thought of today? Who can I tell that they’re not alone? What am I doing to leave this world better than when I entered it? It may not be much. What else am I learning about? What am I creating? What am I exploring?

To be quite honest, I’m afraid that I will live and die in mediocrity - wasting my talents while scrolling or hiding in fear of being really seen. Even though ironically, that’s all our hearts want - to be seen and really known for who we were created to be.

Maybe that’s how I want to live my life. As a reminder that you as a human being, in all your flaws and insecurities, in your failures and successes, heart-breaking anguish and heart-bursting joy are so valuable and so worth it. Your mess is ok, and you don’t have to stay in it. But be brave. Live to love. Live to serve. Discover each other’s differences and opinions, dig a little deeper and be ok that they exist.

It’s ok if some people are not each other’s people, but that doesn’t make them matter any less or you any more superior. All of us are insecure in our own way. All of us are still children pretending that we’re not. I love you anyway.

This next part is a personal pep talk, but maybe you’ll get something out of it too.

You don’t have to make it to Mars or write a screenplay or win an award or be in the history books. But if you do, that’s great. If you don’t that’s ok too. (If you make it in the history books, make it for something good though, ok?)

Live your life using your talents and skills to remind people that they matter. Telling them that their value comes from being designed by a creator and that they become more themselves when they realize they’re loved by Jesus and he has the best plans for them. But don’t get preachy because you hate that. 

Don’t forget your talents and interests are ok. Lean into the things you love. You love them for a reason. You can invest time in those and remember that they were given to you to give back. They’re ok. You’re ok.

Hold your foundation close and your opinions loose. Be willing to take a new perspective and to be wrong. It’s ok. The pruning hurts, but that’s how you grow. 

Love anyway.