At rest. At rest. At rest.

Unless an outside force.

What’s true in Newton’s Laws also holds true in my life.

This past year has been a test of me pushing me out of my comfort zone. Out of the rest and into motion.

The idea of real rest took me a long time to learn. I haven’t mastered it, but now I need to learn about motion.

I believe at the very core of who I am, I am meant to explore and create. Those two things make me me. As I’ve settled into adulthood, I’ve come to find this becomes more and more difficult. Time and money and just plain old being tired become the main reasons to not do what makes me feel alive.

I’m lucky to work in a job where I do create and collaborate with other creatives, but it’s not my end all goal. I miss LA and the storytelling culture. (I don’t miss all the people though.) I want to get back to some form of that. I need to get back to some form of that.

As I was saving for a house, a step that I thought was my next to getting back to more structured creating environment, I realized I’ve been making excuses. There’s always going to be that thing, that “oh if I just had this, I could write/paint/film/develop.”

That’s bull. If I put pen to paper, I’m a writer. The result may not be very good; doesn’t matter. I create because I’m made to create. I’m far from perfect. What I create will also be far from perfect. That’s ok. If I’ve arrived at perfection, what fun is the rest of life?

I love the learning and the going and the growth. This life is one big epic adventure, and adventures are messy and far from perfect. You can’t control it, so what’s the point of trying for perfection. Just make and go and do and love people and be kind and empathetic along the way.

That was my big, bold pep talk to myself.

Rarely do I listen. I wish I did. Life would be so much more fun.

I gravitate towards stasis. Most of us do. It’s easier to watch TV or scroll through social media instead of letting the real thoughts come. To do the real work.

I’m a perfectionistic hiding behind fear. The fear that I’m not good enough. That I’m going to be judged and not understood, or I’m going to inadvertently offend someone. Fear that this will never turn into anything so why even try.

These are silent thoughts that roll around in my mind; infecting as I try to get through my everyday. Stress from work and frustration with the lack of growth in my daily life started to uproot my fear. But the fear hasn’t gone easily. It fights and causes more stress, but it’s worth the work of exposing it and dealing with it.

I don’t expect to get rid of it, but I’m going to do my best to call my excuses what they are. Fear.

So to put this body in rest into motion, I acted on it by starting something.

Continued in Lex III: For Every Action.